Top Two Tuesday

I decided to be a copy cat today after ready my good friend Crystal's blog. I saw this and thought, its Tuesday and why not!

Today's topic: Top two things you want to do before you die. Here it goes:

1: I want nothing more than to be a mother. My life is amazing and I love every second of it. I have a fairy tale life. I met the boy, got married and built a house. Now all that's missing is a sweet baby, and well the pickett fence but beggars cant be choosers! ;D I come from a family FULL of girls, so I have a strong feeling that we will have boys. I would be happy with either just as long as it's healthy. Patrick and I get closer everyday to trying. I am just praying for patience. I hope our baby looks just like Patrick but has my sense of humor. There is no denying that we will have one gorgeous dark hair, dark skin, dark eyed baby. I literally cannot wait for motherhood! I know my parents, sisters, and friends cannot wait either!

2: I want to find some way to repay St. Jude for everything they did for me. I probably wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for that amazing hospital. I want to use my story to help others. I would love take time off and go volunteer my services as a massage therapist to help the children and families of St. Jude. GOD gave me an amazing gift and it's my duty to share it with those in pain.

Sister Date Night

Last night I had a date with my sister Allie. We went to see the movie The Last Song. We love to go see mushy girl movies together. Our men love that we do too. That way they don't have to go see them!

I am not a crier when it comes to TV or movies. Allie on the other hand has the waterworks. I really hadn't heard much about this movie other than Miley was in it. I had seen a couple previews for it but it has been a while. I didn't realize how sad it was going to be. It's definitely a tear jerker!

The movie was pretty good, including Miley's acting. Some of the movie was cheesy, but overall I enjoyed it. There weren't any big names in the movie so I kind of expected it to be a glorified Lifetime movie. I wouldn't rush out to go see this movie in the theater or anything and I don't plan on buying the DVD but I would say it is worth renting on DVD though.

This movie kind of hit home for me. Minus the whole death thing. I had an attitude on me like her at that age. It also took me falling in love (with Patrick) to take that hard icey layer I had built up. Love really changes you. It makes you want to be a better person for your mate. I think it softens you. It's a nice feeling.

Busy!

My weekend was so busy. Here it is Monday and I feel as though I got no rest :( Oh well it was big fun.

Saturday my sister-in-law threw a bridesmaid luncheon for all us girls. It was so fun. I had never eaten at Germantown Cafe, it was delicious. I highly recommend the chicken salad sandwich. She got us all the cutest bag for being in her wedding. It also is the first thing that is monogrammed with my NEW initials on it! That was so exciting for me! We also were given our jewelry that we will wear in the wedding this coming weekend. Beautiful of course!

We had a couple hours to kill before we had to be at her shower at Arrington Vineyards so most of the girls headed to Green Hills Mall to do a little shopping. It was SO crowded though. I guess maybe since Opry Mills is flooded everyone decided to shop there. Who knows. I browsed a little but only ended up buying Patrick some nice BKE flip flops from Buckle. I did find a new perfume that I fell in love with. Jessica Simpson Fancy. OMG it smells SSSSOOOOOO good. I must have this perfume.

We headed to Arrington Vineyards around 5pm. I just love that place. I also love that it's only 20 min from my house! We had some good food and conversation. We all did a tasting, I prefer the Riesling and Raspberry dessert wine. It was a good time. I wish AV would stay open later though, 9pm just comes too fast. This property is so beautiful!!!!

Sunday was my God-Daughter Addison's 1st birthday party. She is such a doll. Every time I see her I just gobble her up. It melts my heart to see Patrick with her. He will be an amazing dad one day. Here are a few pictures from her party.

Addison loving on God-Daddy Patty


She thought it was hilarious every time she would smash her hand in her cake. It was precious!

Our Last stop was in Hopkinsville Ky to see Patrick's mom for Mother's day. She cooked lasagna for Patrick (its his favorite). We were so tired by then end of the day but glad we made the trip. We had a fabulous weekend!

I woke up thinking of you.

It's funny the things that remind me of you.
A weeping willow. It's a little ironic to me. I can remember being a child and thinking they only grew in hot springs.
Pomeranians. You hated that little dog, but none the less i think of you every time i see one.
Dominos. I can still remember the day you taught me and Allison how to play.
The smell of leaves burning in the fall.

I wish you were here. I wish you could have kept everything together. It's not fair. My daddy needs you. I often wonder how things would have been different. I hurt for our family, but mainly for my dad. He must feel so alone. You would have never let him go as long as he has without his family. I think my father would be a different person if you were still here. He would see that family is everything.

I think I've done a good job, from learning from my parents mistakes. You would be proud of me. But lately I've seen how their decisions have formed me into something I don't like. I am strong. I had to be, but doing so built up so many walls. For so long I have had to hold them up. Keep everything together, but for what? It seems for nothing. Why is this so important to me but not for others? How can they not see what is their blood? How can anything else be more important. I feel so hurt. Betrayed. All the effort I've put into this since I was 9 years old, being that rock for everyone, was all for nothing. I was forced to grow up way too fast. I've been okay with this up until now. How can he tell me one thing and do another. Actions speak louder than words. How can they ask me to grow up so fast and give up everything and be so selfish? I wish his words had truth behind them. Don't tell me what I want to hear. Tell me how it is. I want to believe the things he says, but I don't know anymore. I'm tired of being the rock and the glue that holds things together. Especially when nobody else is willing to help me. I can't make them want to be a family.

I miss you.

Good things come to those who wait!

I have been doing some major praying for me and Patrick. We have had some really hard years and just needed God to bless us. It always seems as though we work so hard and get nowhere. I am really bad about trying to handle everything by myself and my stress level was getting out of control. It was physically taking a toll on me. I was humbly reminded that I am not in control, God is. I decided I can't worry and stress about things that are not in my control. God has a plan but I felt like I was getting in my own way. Once I let go and gave everything to God, things have slowly been falling into place. Who would have thought right?

Patrick got a big contract with a management company to maintain all their rental properties. This alone put our financial stress at ease. Things are looking really good for his business this year. Patrick needed that boost of confidence. It just seems that year after year he has been beat down to the point where he was ready to throw the towel in. He is such a hard worker and I'm glad his efforts are being rewarded. He deserves it.

We got our taxes done yesterday, just in the nick of time! Patrick and I had really been stressing over this as we had both 2008 and 2009 to do. :( Yes I know! I was praying we would get some money back but I was preparing myself that we would owe. I was very surprised when our accountant called and said "your getting money back". WOW! What a relief. We didn't care if it was a nickle, we were so excited that we didn't owe! Turns out we are getting a LOT back. :D Enough that we can do some things to the house that we just haven't had the extra money for! We will get a patio poured in the back (or a deck, we can't decide) and get the house painted. (it needs the paint B.A.D)

So with most of our financial worries put to ease the subject of BABY seems more within reach. I don't want to push too soon or get my hopes up, but I think Patrick will be okay with the idea now. :) I'm praying super hard for God to ease his mind and touch his heart.

Patrick and I are on cloud 9. I love my life and we are blessed. I thank God for his blessings and providing for us!

Baby Boom!

Why is it when you want something so bad that you see it everywhere? It's as if the universe is displaying it in your face mocking you.

I don't think it's a surprise to anyone that I'm ready for children. I've had the baby fever for well over a year now. My husband would rather wait a little longer. I just can't seem to get him on board 100%. We both want children, but what do you do when your spouse want's to wait and you want it like a year ago? It's been really hard.

It seems like everyday I get news of ANOTHER person announcing that their expecting. There are a ridiculous amount of prego's out there. I counted 15 people that I know. 15, really? Is this another baby boom? Maybe its the recession and couples don't have the money to go out and do things so they are staying in and finding OTHER things to do? Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for them all, but a part of me is jealous. I went through the same thing when P and I started talking about getting engaged. The moment I started wanting it everyone around me was getting engaged. I think I waited 2 years before he finally proposed.

P is a boy's boy. He is a man in every aspect. He is very old fashioned and see's himself as the "provider". I understand his reasoning for waiting a little longer but I feel he is waiting for something that may never come. I don't think anyone is REALLY ever "ready" for kids. If you wait for that "perfect time" you won't have any. I have talked him to death about the subject and I know better, I really do. The more I push the more he pulls away. I can't TELL him to do anything, he has to do it on his own accord. The trick with P is you have to make it seem like it's his idea. Maybe that's all men, I don't know. It's like with our engagement, he had this idea of how he wanted things to go, and me pushing the subject- when it was my idea- he wanted nothing to do with it. Once I stepped back and shut up about it the ball was placed in his court and he felt he had control and then it happened. So why can't I just drop it? I know I'm shooting myself in the foot here, but I really can't help it. He knows how important this is to me. He knows how badly I want this. I just have this burn inside me that I cant put out. I'm praying for patience and I know God has a plan for us, I'm just really struggling with this.

For Anna

Today my husband's cousin is going in for her double mastectomy. She is so young and this stirs up feelings from my own experiences.

I went to confession a couple weeks ago and Father Steiner said "God gives obsticals to the one's he loves the most. He doesn't give you anything you cannot handle and He does this because He loves us." He went on to say that if we look back Jesus always had a special place in his heart for the sick. He spent a lot of time with them, talking to them, healing them. God never cast them away he always brought them near and spent extra time with them. Father Steiner told me that we have sickness and disease because of sin. God suffered on the cross to forgive our sins and in our time of suffering, it's a time for us to be close to God.

I can't get that out of my head. I just felt like I needed to share that and pray.

God please be with Anna today. Give her strength, courage, and the grace to deal with this. Grant her peaceful sleep and be with her during her hours of silence. Make her ready for whatever it may be and give her a strong spirit. Be with her during her suffering and comfort her. Please be with the surgeons and guide their hands. Use them as your instrument. Watch over her and protect her. Be with our family and ease the worry. Bring peace in their hearts and remind them that you are in control.

Amen