Why is it when you want something so bad that you see it everywhere? It's as if the universe is displaying it in your face mocking you.
I don't think it's a surprise to anyone that I'm ready for children. I've had the baby fever for well over a year now. My husband would rather wait a little longer. I just can't seem to get him on board 100%. We both want children, but what do you do when your spouse want's to wait and you want it like a year ago? It's been really hard.
It seems like everyday I get news of ANOTHER person announcing that their expecting. There are a ridiculous amount of prego's out there. I counted 15 people that I know. 15, really? Is this another baby boom? Maybe its the recession and couples don't have the money to go out and do things so they are staying in and finding OTHER things to do? Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for them all, but a part of me is jealous. I went through the same thing when P and I started talking about getting engaged. The moment I started wanting it everyone around me was getting engaged. I think I waited 2 years before he finally proposed.
P is a boy's boy. He is a man in every aspect. He is very old fashioned and see's himself as the "provider". I understand his reasoning for waiting a little longer but I feel he is waiting for something that may never come. I don't think anyone is REALLY ever "ready" for kids. If you wait for that "perfect time" you won't have any. I have talked him to death about the subject and I know better, I really do. The more I push the more he pulls away. I can't TELL him to do anything, he has to do it on his own accord. The trick with P is you have to make it seem like it's his idea. Maybe that's all men, I don't know. It's like with our engagement, he had this idea of how he wanted things to go, and me pushing the subject- when it was my idea- he wanted nothing to do with it. Once I stepped back and shut up about it the ball was placed in his court and he felt he had control and then it happened. So why can't I just drop it? I know I'm shooting myself in the foot here, but I really can't help it. He knows how important this is to me. He knows how badly I want this. I just have this burn inside me that I cant put out. I'm praying for patience and I know God has a plan for us, I'm just really struggling with this.
Happy Independence Day!!
11 years ago
I know that you want a baby right now but just be patient. Maybe Patrick not being ready now is Gods way of saying that you arent ready yet. Everything happens when it is supposed to. You and I have talked about how we cant push our men to do or want anything..it comes at their own time. Your desire to have a baby is not going anywhere so let Patricks grow at its own pace. I love you and you will be a WONDERFUL mommy someday! XOXOXO
ReplyDeleteI know exactly what you mean. I have had baby fever for the last two years and I'm not even married or engaged. I always feel like everyone around me is WAY ahead of what I am doing. I think what usually makes me jealous when it's people having kids that aren't married or even with the person that got them preggers or people getting engaged when they've been together for a short period of time.
ReplyDeleteArgh. I feel your frustrations. I think that Patrick is the type of person that just wants to try to get used to the idea of kids cause he is probably afraid of not having enough money, etc. to provide for them. I love and miss you.