Good things come to those who wait!

I have been doing some major praying for me and Patrick. We have had some really hard years and just needed God to bless us. It always seems as though we work so hard and get nowhere. I am really bad about trying to handle everything by myself and my stress level was getting out of control. It was physically taking a toll on me. I was humbly reminded that I am not in control, God is. I decided I can't worry and stress about things that are not in my control. God has a plan but I felt like I was getting in my own way. Once I let go and gave everything to God, things have slowly been falling into place. Who would have thought right?

Patrick got a big contract with a management company to maintain all their rental properties. This alone put our financial stress at ease. Things are looking really good for his business this year. Patrick needed that boost of confidence. It just seems that year after year he has been beat down to the point where he was ready to throw the towel in. He is such a hard worker and I'm glad his efforts are being rewarded. He deserves it.

We got our taxes done yesterday, just in the nick of time! Patrick and I had really been stressing over this as we had both 2008 and 2009 to do. :( Yes I know! I was praying we would get some money back but I was preparing myself that we would owe. I was very surprised when our accountant called and said "your getting money back". WOW! What a relief. We didn't care if it was a nickle, we were so excited that we didn't owe! Turns out we are getting a LOT back. :D Enough that we can do some things to the house that we just haven't had the extra money for! We will get a patio poured in the back (or a deck, we can't decide) and get the house painted. (it needs the paint B.A.D)

So with most of our financial worries put to ease the subject of BABY seems more within reach. I don't want to push too soon or get my hopes up, but I think Patrick will be okay with the idea now. :) I'm praying super hard for God to ease his mind and touch his heart.

Patrick and I are on cloud 9. I love my life and we are blessed. I thank God for his blessings and providing for us!

Baby Boom!

Why is it when you want something so bad that you see it everywhere? It's as if the universe is displaying it in your face mocking you.

I don't think it's a surprise to anyone that I'm ready for children. I've had the baby fever for well over a year now. My husband would rather wait a little longer. I just can't seem to get him on board 100%. We both want children, but what do you do when your spouse want's to wait and you want it like a year ago? It's been really hard.

It seems like everyday I get news of ANOTHER person announcing that their expecting. There are a ridiculous amount of prego's out there. I counted 15 people that I know. 15, really? Is this another baby boom? Maybe its the recession and couples don't have the money to go out and do things so they are staying in and finding OTHER things to do? Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for them all, but a part of me is jealous. I went through the same thing when P and I started talking about getting engaged. The moment I started wanting it everyone around me was getting engaged. I think I waited 2 years before he finally proposed.

P is a boy's boy. He is a man in every aspect. He is very old fashioned and see's himself as the "provider". I understand his reasoning for waiting a little longer but I feel he is waiting for something that may never come. I don't think anyone is REALLY ever "ready" for kids. If you wait for that "perfect time" you won't have any. I have talked him to death about the subject and I know better, I really do. The more I push the more he pulls away. I can't TELL him to do anything, he has to do it on his own accord. The trick with P is you have to make it seem like it's his idea. Maybe that's all men, I don't know. It's like with our engagement, he had this idea of how he wanted things to go, and me pushing the subject- when it was my idea- he wanted nothing to do with it. Once I stepped back and shut up about it the ball was placed in his court and he felt he had control and then it happened. So why can't I just drop it? I know I'm shooting myself in the foot here, but I really can't help it. He knows how important this is to me. He knows how badly I want this. I just have this burn inside me that I cant put out. I'm praying for patience and I know God has a plan for us, I'm just really struggling with this.

For Anna

Today my husband's cousin is going in for her double mastectomy. She is so young and this stirs up feelings from my own experiences.

I went to confession a couple weeks ago and Father Steiner said "God gives obsticals to the one's he loves the most. He doesn't give you anything you cannot handle and He does this because He loves us." He went on to say that if we look back Jesus always had a special place in his heart for the sick. He spent a lot of time with them, talking to them, healing them. God never cast them away he always brought them near and spent extra time with them. Father Steiner told me that we have sickness and disease because of sin. God suffered on the cross to forgive our sins and in our time of suffering, it's a time for us to be close to God.

I can't get that out of my head. I just felt like I needed to share that and pray.

God please be with Anna today. Give her strength, courage, and the grace to deal with this. Grant her peaceful sleep and be with her during her hours of silence. Make her ready for whatever it may be and give her a strong spirit. Be with her during her suffering and comfort her. Please be with the surgeons and guide their hands. Use them as your instrument. Watch over her and protect her. Be with our family and ease the worry. Bring peace in their hearts and remind them that you are in control.

Amen

Confession of a Newbie Catholic

I have always felt torn in regards to my religion. My mother raised me and my sisters Southern Baptist. My father and his side of the family is Catholic. I was exposed to both in my childhood but mostly went to church with my Mom. I can remember, even as a small child, never feeling comfortable at my mom's church. It wasn't until my teenage years that I started expressing this to her. She always FORCED us to go to Sunday morning, Sunday night, and Wednesday night services. I understand why she did it. It's important to have God and church in your life, but that was not the reason I didn't want to go. Religion has always been a topic that my mother and I just really can't discuss. We agree to disagree and avoid the subject. She takes my feeling towards her church and their beliefs personally. I could never really explain it well to her. I could never find the appropriate words to make her understand.

I have always felt drawn to the Catholic church. I can't explain it even to this day. My father never took us to Mass so it's not like I really had anything to compare between the two religions. One of my first memories as a child was at my great grandmothers house. She was a devout Catholic. She had a crucifix in her kitchen with a rosary hanging from it. I always thought the rosary was so beautiful. I didn't know what it was or why it was there, it just always caught my attention. I would catch my Nanny looking at it while she was in the kitchen and she would form the cross on herself, as Catholic's do, and kiss her finger and place it on his feet. I didn't know at the time that she was praying but it gave me this peaceful, calm feeling every time I saw her do this. That was my first experience with the Catholic faith. Something so simple and beautiful.

It wasn't until I met Patrick that I had started seeing the Catholic faith practiced. There were prayers that they recited and traditions they practiced. I started having lots of questions trying to understand. We had gone to a couple Mass's and I really enjoyed the structure. I really felt like this is where I was supposed to be. We discussed Marriage and children and we agreed that the Catholic church was where we wanted to be and what we wanted to raise our children with. I had originally wanted to convert before we were married, but I don't think I was really ready at the time. It's a long process and a commitment. I knew this was where I wanted to be, but honestly, I got a lot of grief about it and couldn't give a real reason why. I felt that if I couldn't explain to people why I wanted to be Catholic they would see it as I was converting because it was my husbands religion. It was important to me that I convert to Catholicism, not for the church to "accept" me but for myself and I wanted to be able to tell everyone why I had done it. I needed to take the time and really dig deep and find out why I felt drawn to the church.

It wasn't until I started speaking with some of my aunts that I found a big piece to my puzzle. I was born with a hernia and had to have surgery when I was a month old. Catholic's baptize their babies. My mother was very upfront with my dad's family that I would be raised Baptist and refused to have me baptized. This really weighed on my great grandmother. The day of my surgery they only allowed 3 people in the room with me at a time. Everyone wanted to see me before I went back to surgery and so when it was my great grandmother, aunt Lia, and aunt Jerri's turn my Nanny decided she was going to baptize me herself without my parent's knowledge. I never knew any of this. My aunt Jerri told me the story and I had expressed about how I had always felt drawn to the church but never could explain it. She simply said "that's because it's in your blood, it's always been with you".

I felt like this was God telling me "see it's time". I didn't have all the answer's I was looking for but I knew it was time to start the process. I looked into the RCIA program and read up on as much information as I could find. A friend of mine had gone through the process a couple years ago so I called to talk to her about it. I contacted the church and got enrolled. It wasn't until I went to a couple classes that I KNEW this was where I was supposed to be. Everything I had felt as a child about my beliefs was confirmed in the Catholic faith. I had never been to anything in my mother's church that made me feel like this. My mom always made me feel "wrong" for believing what I did.

I now have the answers and confirmation I was looking for. I have gone through the process and will take Communion during the Holy Saturday Mass on April 3rd. I no longer feel the need to explain myself or defend why I converted. It was a personal choice that was between me and God. If you were to ask me, I could now give you valid reason's for my decision. Nothing of which, have to do with my husband or his family.

Perfect Match

This post is for my wonderful husband. I don't know how I got so lucky. We are complete opposites in any way you can imagine. I know I have many flaws and get bitchy. I have ridiculous OCD and anxiety issues, but he takes it all in stride. I could feel myself starting to get overwhelmed and stressed and he does such a great job of talking me through it and calming me down. It's nice that the things I get stressed and freak out about don't phase him at all. He can take control, slow me down and make me feel better instantly. He always takes care of everything, I don't know why I worry so much.

We had an extra snugly weekend. Patrick is sick with a cold so we did a lot of laying around on the couch. He usually wants to be left alone when he is sick but this time he wanted snuggles! :D Which always makes me happy. We watched three movies: Paranormal Activity, Law Abiding Citizen, and 2012. On a scale of 1-10 (10 being the best) we gave Paranormal Activity a 6. Law Abiding Citizen 9 and 2012 a 8. I had already seen PA in the theater with my friend Lisa but I was interested in seeing the alternate ending. I like the DVD ending better. LAC was awesome. When it started I really didn't think it was a movie I would get into, but I was way wrong. I defenatly recommend watching it. 2012 was good too, but it gets you thinking about "what if" this is really going to happen. It gave me an uneasy feeling and I really didn't want to watch the end. Not because it wasn't good, I just didn't want to think about the world ending.

We took the dogs to the dog park on Saturday and then went to my parents and let them play with kool. They had a blast! I must say I am very proud of my pups for being so well behaved and well mannered. My dogs are well trained! Way to go Diesel and Deja!

A vent well needed.

I've been really withdrawn lately. I don't know what my deal is. I feel overwhelmed and tired. My dogs are driving me crazy and I'm ready for warmer weather. I haven't done much.

I pretty much stopped going to yoga. I'm not sure why because I loved it. I guess it's just getting to be too much having to be out late two nights a week. Thursdays I have my RCIA class. I'm in the process of converting to Catholicism. I cannot wait until this class is over. It wouldn't be so bad if we didn't live so far out. It has made for a very long Thursday. Not to mention I have been in the class since November. Maybe once I'm done with this class I will feel like going again.

I got a nice pat on the back at work today, but with reward came a change in my schedule and some more responsibility. I will now be working 9am to 6pm to accommodate my West Coast clients. I'm not sure how i feel about coming in two hours later but I'm trying to be positive and think about the extra sleep :) I start my new hours March 22, 2010.

I have been having a major problem with one of my dogs. Deja has always been a digger but never to this capacity. I have no clue how to go about correcting this. She is literally trying to dig our house out from the foundation. She dug a hole so deep next to our grill that the grill fell over in the hole. It's out of control. Anybody have any suggestions as I'm about to lose my mind.

Seeing Results

I have to say I am quite proud of myself. I was a very good girl this weekend. I woke up early Saturday before work and did my 30 Day Shred. Then I had a full day of massages to do (that's a workout in itself). I didn't workout Sunday but I did give two massages. I did my workout last night and noticed that it felt much easier. I still got a good workout and got sweaty, it just wasn't killing me to complete the workout. I was able to do much more of the cardio and more reps of the strength. I never had trouble with the ab workout. I think tonight I will do ab ripper from P90X and do wii fit.

I think I've lost around 7lbs so far. I have noticed a difference in my chest/collarbone and arms. I feel stronger too. Seeing the results from exercise and eating better has really helped me stick to it. I am getting better at this self discipline thing! :D