Little changes I've noticed

People always tell you that having a child changes your life forever. I totally agreed with that statement but never fully understood the complexity of how true it was. Before we got pregnant I would have thought this meant you will never have another good nights sleep again, or that your current social outings would come to a screeching halt. I'm sure this statement will change meaning for me several times over the years, but I've already noticed little things that about myself that I would have never thought about before.

Never would I have ever thought twice about if a seat belt was "safe and secure" enough for me, but when I think about that tiny little baby, I will read 40 discussion forums to decide which seat is best and watch youtube to get advice on the "proper way" to install your car seat. Then check almost daily to see if any of her stuff has been recalled. Even after all that I doubt my decisions and pray everyday that God will keep her safe.

I used to think of myself as a very confident person. I could make decisions easily. Now that I have a little person that cant make any decisions for herself and will totally rely on me to survive, I find myself in a panic. If I were to need new cups to drink out of, I would just go and pick whichever one's I liked best and that would be it. But ask me to go pick out a bottle for Lilah to use and I don't know where to start. I feel like I need to research everything and compare, regardless of price, to ensure she gets the most appropriate one. There are so many things to choose from. How do you know which is the 'best'? Every mother has an opinion, and they are all different, so I'm having a really hard time trusting myself. I know I will figure it out once she is here but just knowing that I have another life to live for has really started to scare me a little.

I was thinking back to all the things I 'hated' my parents for while I was growing up. P and I swore when we had a child we would be different. Now I understand their decisions and hope I can be just as "mean" as they were.

I no longer live everyday for me, its all about Lilah Faith. Every thought and decision, I now think of her first and me second (if I think of myself at all). It's crazy to me how much you fall in love with them before they are even born. I would have never thought that was possible.